i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
