You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
