nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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