No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize