then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
