i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
