You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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