i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we should paint friendship bongs
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