you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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