If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
