Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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