she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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