How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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