she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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