did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
