My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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