somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
