but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
