Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
