she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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