Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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