She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His nipple licking is glorious
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