Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
