Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
