In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
