haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
