cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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