I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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