I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
