I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
