I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
