If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
