I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
