$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
