I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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