the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
