I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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