My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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