She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
