she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
