Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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