like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
