im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
