Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
