He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
