Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
