Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
