I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
