Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
