i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
