Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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