Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
