4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
