it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
