Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All the doctor said was why
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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