I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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