how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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