Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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