i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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