I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
