I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
