How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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