I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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