He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i barfeds in our rink
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
