So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
