did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
