I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sorry about my life...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
