I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
