Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
