four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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