Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
