you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
