I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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