You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
