he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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