People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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