its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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