Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
do herpes really smell.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
