If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
