five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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