That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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