I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
