Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize