I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
