HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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