how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
