This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
