Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
