i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish you could order shots online.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
